Midwives, friends, and even our husbands assume that all our insecurities and inexperience we have the first time around have disappeared.
But they haven't. At least not for me. I'm scared.... Shit scared!
I'm scared of having a full term baby. Obviously I don't want a preemie baby again, but a full term newborn is foreign to me
I'm scared to bring home a newborn. Hank didn't come home from hospital until he was 6+ weeks old, and whilst that was still before his due date, he has 6 weeks to sort his feeding & sleeping schedule out
I'm scared of post natal depression (PND). The first week of Hank's life was one of the most horrible of mine. I am so thankful that I didn't suffer from PND for long... But I don't ever want to feel like that again
I'm scared that having a full term baby does not necessarily mean he will be healthy. Maybe it's because I've learnt so much from being apart of the premature/sick baby community that I know too well that even full term babies can have health issues beyond our control
I'm scared that having this baby will change Hank. I mean, I know it will change him... But I don't want him to be any less awesome than he is right now
I'm scared that I will become complacent. SIDS, hygiene, choking hazards, safe milk storage... All things that I've finally been able to relax about
I could honestly list 50 more things I am scared of. I don't remember being this scared the first time around.
What where you most scared of as an expectant mum?
Wow I can so relate! I am scared of everything too! I can't believe I am going through it all again. I am worried how my son is going to react and all those fears you mentioned about bringing home a newborn and also PND. It comes with the territory. I'm hoping all those fears will subside a little when I hold my baby in my arms. Great post. x
ReplyDeleteI understand your fears. I was the same with my first baby. He was almost full term but I got induced a week early due to gestational diabetes so nothing like your perm bub. This time I am more relaxed because I've experienced it but then I have my moments where I freak out. Funny you have done this post as I am currently working on a similar one. I worry about how Locky will go with a new baby and sharing the love and attention. Will he be ok? Will it bring his spirit down? How will I cope with a newborn and a very young toddler. How will I manage to breastfeed when Locky takes all my time and attention. I won't lie, bringing a new born home is hard work. You do it all on your own and figure it out all by yourself but trust your instinct and don't be afraid to ask for help or have a good cry. I had PND until a couple of months ago. It's terrible. Biggest advice is if you start feeling like that again seek help straight away. I started getting anxiety recently over new baby stress and because I desperately don't want to go back to that place I am going to start speaking to a social worker to work through my fears so I am as relaxed as possible. You're not alone in your feelings. Good luck. xx
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